Five Lessons in Health from Ron Swanson

“I’d go to a banquet in honor of those Somali pirates if they served bacon-wrapped shrimp.”
-Ron Swanson

I’m not a big TV person, but I usually have one or two pop culture guilty pleasures going on at any one time.

Recently, it’s been Parks and Recreation.

One of the standout characters from this show is none other than Ron Swanson, the poker-faced, libertarian, and all-around manly dude who runs the Parks Department of Pawnee, Indiana.

After watching some of the hilarious things that come out of this guy’s mouth, I’ve come to realize something: he’s on to a few things that most others aren’t when it comes to health.

And so, without further ado, I present to you five nuggets of Ron Swanson’s wisdom:

1. Eat Real Food

Supermarket Employee: “Sir, would you like to sample our vegan bacon? 100% meatless.”
Ron Swanson: “Yes, please.”
(Ron throws vegan bacon in the trash.)
Supermarket Employee: “Sir, is there a problem?”
Ron Swanson: “I’m just making sure no one ever has to eat this.”

Ron would never eat vegan bacon. Nor would he eat sugar-free cookies, fat-free yogurt, or any other monstrosity created in a laboratory.

No, Ron’s a real food guy all the way (even if he doesn’t stray too far from meat and eggs).

I’ve said it a million times: eating real food is the single most important step you can take in getting healthy and fit.

All too often people obsess over expensive supplements, disgusting low-fat microwave dinners, and even (gasp!) vegan bacon instead of honing in on this strategy.

The long-lived Okinawans don’t eat vegan bacon, they eat minimally-processed rice and vegetables.

The strong and healthy Maasai don’t eat vegan bacon, they eat red meat and high-fat dairy.

Focus on the big wins before you focus on the minutiae and you’ll be surprised how much quicker you attain your goals.

2. Don’t Shell Out Big Money on Food

“I love Food ‘n Stuff. It’s where I buy all my food. And most of my stuff.”
-Ron Swanson

Ron doesn’t get his food from Whole Paycheck, he gets it from a tiny supermarket.

One thing people tend to get hung up on when they start to eat real food is the degree of quality.

Does it need to be organic? Does it need to be free-range? Do I need to meet the chicken I plan on eating in person first?

Again, this is focusing in too much on minutiae. Even in this world of cheap convenience food, you can still find good real food (think meat, veggies, fruit, etc.) at every grocery store.

I don’t mean to rag on this movement too much. I truly think what they are doing is great.

This sustainable agriculture movement has some very positive outcomes.

The first is that it is probably better for the environment. (The consensus on this varies depending on what food and method is being studied.)

Next is the improvement in flavor. This one is entirely subjective, but the best-tasting food I have ever had has invariably been from the farmers market or local co-op.

But the health benefits? That one’s sketchy. Despite what you may have heard, the sum total of all studies performed suggests that there are few health benefits from going organic, if any.

Bottom line is switching from mac and cheese to steak and potatoes will make a far bigger difference on your health and fitness than going from Ralph’s to Whole Foods.

3. There’s No Need to Fear Meat

Chris Traeger: “Red meat can cause sluggishness, heart disease, even impotence.”
Ron Swanson: “It has the opposite effect on me.”

This one just won’t die.

Despite the tides of public opinion slowly turning against the decades-old low-fat propaganda, most people still think that they must eat a “plant-based diet” to be healthy.

Red meat, eggs, and butter are all verboten.

This is utter nonsense.

Archaeological evidence and studies of modern hunter-gatherers has yielded this unanimous conclusion: humans evolved on a high-meat, high-starch diet.

If meat and animal products were 0.00001% as dangerous as we have been led to believe they are, humans would have gone extinct a long time ago. (That’s evolution, bitches!)

The verdict on meat is clear: it is very, very good for you.

I believe that the high failure rate of most diets can be traced to this irrational fear of meat. Meat is everywhere, and it is literally coded in our DNA to seek it out. The longer you try to deprive yourself, the more willpower you will burn.

Until one day you finally crash and burn.

4. Eat a Manly Breakfast

“Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, I’m worried what you just heard was ‘give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was ‘give me all the bacon and eggs you have.’ Do you understand?”
-Ron Swanson

Trix? Fruity Pebbles? Count Chocula?

You’d never find Ron with a box of these in the morning. Hell, I’d even be surprised if he keeps a box of Rice Krispies around.

Instead, Ron eats the kind of breakfast that most people were eating a couple hundred years ago: bacon and eggs.

It’s a more minimalist spin on the classic full English breakfast, but starting your day off with protein and animal fat beats the pants off sugar and flour any day.

5. Live the Dream

Like most of us, Ron isn’t exactly living the dream during his 9-to-5.

As an anti-government head of a government department, he’s probably even more unfulfilled than most.

But does he complain about how much his job sucks? Does he whine about the crap he has to put up with? Hell, no!

Unbeknownst to everyone else, Ron lives a second life as “Duke Silver,” the saxophonist and frontman of the Duke Silver Trio, a jazz band that plays gigs outside of Pawnee.

This may be the only piece of Ron’s wisdom that falls outside of the dietary realm, but it is perhaps the most important.

Doing what you want and following your passions is one of the most essential pieces of living a healthy and fulfilled life.

Selected Wisdom from Chris Traeger

“But Ron isn’t exactly going to be gracing the cover of Men’s Fitness anytime soon. How can you hold him up as a role model?”

Okay, you got me there. To get the full picture I think you should take a look at Chris Traeger, the character who is in many ways the exact opposite of Ron.

On the surface, he’s a much more appropriate guy to be getting health advice from. Here’s a few things he’s doing right that Ron isn’t:

1. He’s eating his veggies. Meat is great, but you shouldn’t avoid vegetables. The two together should represent the bulk of your calories.
2. He’s running. Cardio seems to be getting a bad rap these days, but humans were literally born to run. Best not to neglect this.
3. He has a positive attitude. Okay, that’s an understatement. But numerous studies have found that the happier you are, the healthier you become.

However…

He’s also overtraining the hell out of his body. Not only is this unhealthy, but it is a complete waste of time.

He also has no immune system and cannot be anywhere near a sick person. Not exactly the kind of robust human being you’d like to be.

Lastly, the man is on the kind of supplement regimen that would drive an Olympic athlete crazy. Best to stick to real food and let your body take care of itself.

So the next time someone rolls their eyes at you when you order steak and eggs for breakfast just imagine Ron Swanson looking down on you and smiling.

He’d be so proud.